Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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