He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
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Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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