Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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