Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize