dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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