Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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