I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
