there's paper in my vomit.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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