I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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