He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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