You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
