i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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