This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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