I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
