i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She's the barista slut.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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