I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
