I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
