Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
