I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
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I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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