Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
