So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
