Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
