I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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