I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
