I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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