I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
