Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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