You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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