I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
