Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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