you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
