I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
