Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
