My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
honey bunches of taint.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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