I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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