it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
