I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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