if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.