The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
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Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
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Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.