why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man