:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We are two peas in an std pod
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?