Barsexuality is the new black.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning