I'm fucking your sister right now.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go