I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
