This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
