This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
