Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
