there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
