fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
