May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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