im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
