I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
