I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
