I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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