hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
