What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
