i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
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Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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