I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
