How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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