Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
