why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
