I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
