My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
